I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
