I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
