i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
