just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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