i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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