Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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