went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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