Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize