On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
