I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize