he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
