i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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