dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
