Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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