Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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