i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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