We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
