Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
