In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
