He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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