My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
