I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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