drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize