I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize