Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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