THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
