we're blogging at a bar
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're a waste of cheezeits
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
