so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
