Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
