Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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