what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
please don't ironically join a cult
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
