Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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