my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
