I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
