How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
