It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
