I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
