I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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