Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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