New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
