Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
