I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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