you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
