The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
