remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
