i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you traded sex for a burrito?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There are leaves in my underwear?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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