hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
be right there i have to get my cape
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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