Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
