Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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