Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
