Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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