This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
