I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I forget how to act sober
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
