proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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