You just made me feel so damn special
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Actions speak louder than pants.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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