rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
