There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
