tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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