Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if i can run in heels then i can drive
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
