i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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