Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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