Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize