I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
