the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize