I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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