yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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