well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize