Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
