Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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